Did My Abuser Choose Me?

In an abusive relationship, victims often wonder “why me?”  They do not know why they were the ones that ended up in such a horrible and unhealthy relationship.  Although victims are not a fault for being chosen to be abused, there are some characteristics that may make them more likely to find themselves in an abusive relationship.  Read the list below to make sure your behaviors do not make you more likely to fall prey to an abuser.  Victims normally portray the following:

You do not trust yourself –

  • You do not go with your gut feeling
  • Need consent from another individual before making a decision
  • Do not think your opinion matters

Take criticism very harshly

  • Feel you do not deserve the best treatment –
  • Inconvenience yourself so that others won’t be inconvenienced
  • Expect to be criticized for your actions
  • Do not want to look like a “trouble maker”
  • Feel that if someone is mean to you, you deserved it

Giving up things that are important to you to keep others happy –

  • Discontinue hobbies that you enjoy because others do not approve
  • Hide photos rather than displaying them because he doesn’t like them

Being insecure about your competence –

  • Fear of looking stupid, weak or lazy
  • Worry about what others think of you if you quit
  • Fear of failing, you can’t make mistakes

Overlooking other people’s mistakes and flaws –

  • Feel that it’s okay for others to make mistakes, but not you
  • Believe that you can “save” others from their downfalls

Isolating yourself –

  • End friendships that your abuser does not approve of
  • Spend less time with family because your abuse does not like them
  • Do not go anywhere without your abuser

Do not cause disruption in the relationship –

  • Not willing to break up with your abuser because it will hurt him
  • Avoid conversations that will upset your abuser

Avoid making decisions –

  • Allow others to change your mind about something
  • Choose a course of action to please your partner
  • More likely to follow the crowd, rather than do what you want to

Living according to these behaviors makes you more likely to end up with an abuser.  Abusive men look for women who are “naïve” and “easy-going”.  They want someone who is not willing to stand up for themselves and gives in easily.  Don’t fall prey to someone who will take advantage of you.  Be an independent individual and if you find your partner trying to change any of that, it’s not in your best interest to still around.

Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I encourage your feedback on your thoughts or experiences you may have relating to this topic.  Please post your comments below.


1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. Soulmate James
    Dec 10, 2011 @ 14:08:24

    This is the information that we need to have good relationships!


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