Is Jake Pavelka from The Bachelor is Abusive?

After catching up on Monday’s Bachelor Pad 2 (yes, it’s my guilty pleasure), I started to see signs that Jake may actually be what we like to call a “toxic man”.  Although I had watch his entire season of the Bachelor, seen the special Bachelor Breakup Reunion on him and his former fiancé Vienna, and have been following him on the Bachelor Pad 2, I have began to think that he may be abusive towards women.  I was taken back by this idea, after all, he seemed like the perfect gentleman for most of the series.  I’d love to hear everyone else’s take on this, but here’s how I feel.

If you are not familiar with the show, I will catch you up a bit.  Jake was Season 13’s Bachelor and throughout the show, there was a lot of hatred towards the woman that he ultimately chose.  He proposed to Vienna, who was known as the villain of the season among the other women.  Jake was such a sincere and loving man during the taping of the entire season.  Then the tabloids hit that him and Vienna had broke up, then gotten back together again and then broke up again.  The typical on-again, off-again relationship.  Then ABC decided to do a “Break Up Reunion” with the duo to get the story straight.  I didn’t realize it at the time because I did not have the knowledge of what abuse looks like, but after seeing Jake and Vienna around each other again (post breakup) on Bachelor Pad 2, I started to become suspicious of Jakes ways.

During the first few episodes of the show, Jake persistently tries to get closure from Vienna, who has moved on and is now dating someone else on the show.  Vienna is very uneasy around him.  The initial part of the show, where the contestants are arriving, she is disgusted with the idea that Jake will be coming on the show.  She is nervous and looks scared that he might actually show up.  This is what really threw up a red flag to me.  This is the exact same way I would feel when my abusive boyfriend would get home every night.  My stomach was in knots, I was constantly on guard.  I looked exactly like Vienna did. 

So Jake ends up being on the show and all he can talk about is how Vienna treated him so badly and he wants to talk to her.  Vienna does everything in her power not to talk to him, she even refuses at one point.  She states that she is not comfortable even being around him.  From this point, as a victim of domestic violence, I feel that Jake emotionally and verbally abused Vienna.  But now I’m curious if he ever became physical.  This suspicion brought me back to the break up special and I decided to watch it again to review his body language towards Vienna and I was confused with what I was seeing.  (After googling it, I noticed that I wasn’t the only one that felt this way).

If you watch the video, Jake and Vienna continue to argue back and forth.  Although Vienna does interrupt him a couple of times, it is only because she can never get a word in edgewise.  But if you watch how Jake reacts to Vienna’s interruptions, is not just “babe, could you please stop interrupting me”.  It feels to me that it is aggressive and at one point he says in an abusive tone “Stop interrupting me!”.  Not only does he say this in a degrading tone, but he actually puts his hand out, with the back of it towards Vienna and “karate chops his leg”.  If Jake feels powerful enough to act this way in front of millions of viewers, then what did he do to Vienna behind closed doors? 

Not only do I feel Jake’s actions show signs of abuse, but I worry how Vienna reacts, I feel that she is a victim.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fan of Vienna by any means, but I feel that all women should be treated with respect.  After crying histerically, she actually curls her body up in to her lap and covers her face.  Curling up in the fetal position is a natural reaction that are body does when we feel threatened.  Was Vienna doing this to protect herself from Jake?

At the end of the reunion, Vienna actually walks off the set.  As she is telling Jake how horrible he treated her, he never even looks her in the face.  He has a smirk on his face, which he has been wearing the entire show, and emotionally abuses her by not even entertaining or listening to what she has to say.  He is trying to make her look like the trouble maker and he will just sit there calm and look like the “good guy”. 

I don’t know if my intuition is right or not, but I would love to hear how everyone else feels.  Do you feel that Jake may have abused Vienna?  I’m interested in hearing your opinions!


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Abby
    Aug 23, 2011 @ 17:01:06

    I am sorry for what you went through, but I have to disagree with you. I do not believe that Jake showed any definitive signs of abuse at all. If anything i think Vienna seems as though she tries to be the assertive one and the dominant one in her relationships and that she likes the publicity like this that she gets for playing the victim. I am not going to pretend to know what their relationship is like, and who knows maybe he is abusive, but there are some flaws in your logic. First, the ‘aggression’ that Jake shows could be the result of one of a dozen different things, such as: confusion, pent-up frustration, anger, hurt, ect. All of those things are normal human emotions and his response was a normal reaction. I’m not saying it was right, just normal. Even people with anger and rage issues have the ability to lash out without being abusive. I myself, as a woman, along with the men in my family have problems with anger and rage and do things such as pounding a fist or the ‘karate chop hand’ as an outlet for my anger and frustration, but neither myself or my father or brother would ever dream of hitting the ones we love.
    Second, other than the fear she had of the situation (which i accredited to the fact that she was afraid of what he was going to say after she sold the breakup story) she did not show the persona of an abused person. Those that are physically and mentally abused do not usually look to draw attention to themselves. They usually walk on eggshells trying to keep the abuser from getting upset. She seemed hurt, yes, but not fearful of him. They sat right next to each other, which probably wouldn’t have happened if she was terrified of him. She wouldn’t have even showed up to the show, she especially wouldn’t have showed up to the bachelor pad if that were the case. Also, if Vienna were abused, she probably would not havesold their breakup story to the news, typically abused men and women try to leave quietly because they are afraid that the abuser will seek them out and make them pay.
    Again I do not know what their relationship was like, and I could be wrong, but I have to go with what know for this one. Also, I understand why Jake was upset, Vienna already had her chance to get her side of the story out when she went to the press, I think Jake was just trying to get out his side of the story while he had people’s attention.


    • TheStrengthToLeave
      Aug 24, 2011 @ 18:04:42

      Thanks for your response Abby. I can definitely see where you are coming from. Jake could have just been acting out of emotions. He was really upset with the break up. Vienna also loves attention and could have been trying to hide the truth, if she did lie to the tabloids. Your insight is appreciated to this post. Please feel free to take the poll I’ve recently added. Thanks again!


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